Terrance Adams Lincoln, you filthy little twat-wrangler. It has come to my attention that there are those in this world that are at least as qualified as you to do your job. Until now, I have turned a blind eye to your personal proclivities because you did such exemplary work that I had great difficulty…

Jonathan Anthony Carver, you wretched little nincompoop! In the event that this letter reaches you before I do, you're fired! Sincerely, President Seymour Wellington