Terrance Adams Lincoln, you filthy little twat-wrangler. It has come to my attention that there are those in this world that are at least as qualified as you to do your job. Until now, I have turned a blind eye to your personal proclivities because you did such exemplary work that I had great difficulty believing that there was anyone as competent as yourself. I see now that I was very mistaken. No longer shall I allow your indiscretions to risk tarnishing the reputation of my company. If I don’t have a exemplary report about how you’ve cleaned up from Ralph when I return, you shall have only your personality with which to woo those street walkers you’re so fond of. I hope I have made myself abundantly clear.

Sincerely,

President Seymour Wellington